Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
even my farts smell like vagina
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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