69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
organizing the empties. That sober.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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