final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
