I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
