I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
