There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
