If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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