hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
