Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
