the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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