I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
