You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
