Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
