i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
