You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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