Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
