I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
