M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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