even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
