I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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