we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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