just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
