I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
