turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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