It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
