In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Holy sore nipples Batman
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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