Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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