this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
