I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
