he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
