i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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