All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
