me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
