Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think my moral compass just broke
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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