Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize