Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
