What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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