Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
