I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
