i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There r osticjed everywhere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
