So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
