About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
