Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
