I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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