***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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