Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
