I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
