At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
