butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
