Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize