just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
