Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you would pick up someone in the library
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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