I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
