I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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