I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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