I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
