I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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