Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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