erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize