You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
