First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
