I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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