Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
