Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize