After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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