i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Please don't give away my fajitas
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
