did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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