I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
