Me too!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
