I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize