Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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