I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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