just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Randomize
