these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
