if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
