Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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